Archive for guys

Once Upon a Freakin’ Time

Posted in About Me, Dating, Pictures with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2012 by Emms

The Girl Behind The Blog

My name is I’m not going to tell you my real name. I’m keeping it confidential for the men I have dated. Okay, that’s a complete lie. I’m keeping myself anonymous for me. Though, if I think about it — this blog may be my online dating adventures, but I am sure many women have been in the same position, with the same quizzical look on their face that reads ‘What the fuck?!’. I’m just the one who is going to open her mouth (figuratively) and tell you my online dating stories/nightmares/extravaganzas/hullabaloos. Believe me ladies and even gentlemen, you are not alone. So, let’s cut to the chase.
I’m not in my mid-twenties, but I guess you could say I’m in my mid-mid-twenties. Yes, I’m young. Why am I on online dating sites? To see what is beyond my tiny bubble. To get outside the bar scene. (I won’t even say club scene, because you would have to drag me into one of those or promise me a new pair of Christian Louboutins) To find someone real. To find someone with a direction in life. To find someone I would’ve never met without the help of the internet. I had good intentions, then everything backfired.
I live in what some say is the greatest city in the world – New York. I’m not a transplant, I was born and raised here. (I’m not sure if I’m proud of that–I’ll get back to you.) I come from a great family who has supported me through thick and thin. My friends are, for the most part, amazing. I excelled scholarly and athletically. I’ve been published. I’ve been honored on the news. I went to a great college and I have a great job.  I did everything by the books. I even eat my broccoli!! So, why the hell can’t I find someone to date? It’s not like I’m a troll or anything. The picture above, even though cropped, is the real me. I’m blonde, light brown eyes, average height and weight. I’d say I’m somewhat of a catch. (Let it be known I’m also my worst enemy.) But, if I hear ‘Are you dating someone?’ one more time from a family member or really anyone for that matter, I may cry.
We’ve all seen commercials about the magic that is (Please note the last sentence is dripping with sarcasm.) So, I decided to give a few sites a shot. OkCupid, Match, Plenty of Fish and Date My School. Currently, I am only a member of the first two.  You can read all about the two where I willingly abandoned ship in posts to come. I’m here to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. My experiences vary from somewhat tolerable to unimaginably awful. What is wrong with these men? This leads me to a simple question: Where The Hell is Cupid?!’
You can call me Emms, it sounds more stylish, chic and trendy than Jane Doe. I don’t have a celebrity doppelgänger. Though, if I compile a list of celebrities that men I’ve dated think I look like it’ll give you an interesting mix. I guess to men I’m a cross between Candace Cameron (The grown up 2012 version), Reese Witherspoon, Eliza Coupe and Amy Poehler. I don’t know where Amy Poehler came from, but this moron gave me the specific picture in which he thinks I look like Ms. Poehler. It’s a really good picture, I’m flattered, but I don’t think I look anything like her. If I had to vote on who looks most like me I’d go with Candace Cameron (1st Picture) and Eliza Coupe (3rd Picture). The most of the real me that you’ll see is the picture at the beginning of this post.

Regardless of who I look like, these are, unfortunately, my stories… So, welcome to my version of a little black book.
– Emms
(Note: All people depicted in this blog are real but, their names are fictitious.)